I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
