i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
