Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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