thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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