You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
