who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
