Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
