When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
