I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
