I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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