he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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