You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he shaved USA in his pubs
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
