There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
