Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
