No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
