i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Drunk is not a location!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
