Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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