The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
