now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
