I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
