this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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