Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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