just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
