I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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