in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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