if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
