my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
