Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
