If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
