The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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