I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Fuck appropriateness.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
