i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
