Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
