i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize