Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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