He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
