I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
