i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I wish there were birth control emojis
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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