Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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