im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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