I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
