Soap is not a condiment
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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