Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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