I think I am morally bankrupt
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
