how can u be prego again
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
