It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
