My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
