i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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