why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
