Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's blow job season.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
