i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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