My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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