apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
