u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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